Masks
by The Mother Rose
Summary: Naruto introspective


**Disclaimer: Don't own.**

**Masks**

Everyone who makes their living killing people knows the value of a good mask. A good mask can make all the difference in the world. Those who wear the best ones are the ones who survive the longest. Of course most people don't expect to find masks on the face of little kids unless it's Halloween but sometimes the best masks can be found on the youngest of children. Such was the case with a blond haired blue eyed little ball of sunshine. Uzumaki Naruto had found the value of a mask when he was three and a girl helping out at the Orphans Home for the day had seen him crying once too often.

"Stop it," she'd said, looking down at him in disgust. He was curled in a tight ball huddled next to a wall in the lengthening shadows, doing his best to escape notice. Startled by her comment he'd glanced up. "Crying never did anyone any good. If you think it makes them feel bad for picking on you or hurting you, think again. Your tears just tell them they did it right."

He wiped grubby fingers over his eyes and asked, "S. sso w. .wh..at do . . I do?" trying his hardest to stem the flow of tears.

"You smile, Boy. Do you think you're the only person to have ever gone through this? You're not you know. Everyone has pain they have to deal with. I'll grant maybe they don't have as much of it as you do, but for them it's just as real and lasting." The child didn't understand everything she said. His mind was stuck on the concept of smiling while getting beat up.

"How? How can I smile when they are hurting me?" he asked, holding out his arm showing the obviously broken bone.

"Ok that's a lot more pain than I meant but still the only way to get them to stop is to show them it doesn't work anymore. So long as you keep wailing and crying they'll keep doing it. Your tears are what they want. You let them win twice with every beating." She had knelt down to his level and her hand glowed green as she passed it over his small forearm resetting the tender bone and reducing the swelling around the break. "You will have to work at it, Child, but you are strong enough to make it through this. Know it won't last forever and that will help you smile. Now try it. Smile for me." He gave her a weak and watery smile and she made him do it again and again until he forgot why he was unhappy. He gave her his own natural smile that brought the sun out of hiding and made the one it was turned on feel as if they were standing in their own personal little patch of heaven.

She came back to the Orphans Home several times over the next six months before he was transferred to the next dorm and she was reassigned to other more strenuous duties. During those six months however, she taught the young boy all he needed to know about how to smile in the midst of the worse kind of pain. She taught him about rooms he could create in his mind where he could lock things away to keep them from influencing his mask. She taught him about setting goals for himself and because she talked to him, he learned to care about someone other than himself.

He never forgot those lessons during the course of his life. He would smirk whenever he saw someone else trying to be as successful in hiding under their masks as he was but he knew unless you began to wear one quite young, like he had, you'd never be all that good at it.

Naruto spent his life doing as he was expected to do. He entered the ninja academy and studied to become a ninja to protect his home and his precious people because that was what the Sandaime expected in exchange for his apartment and his time. The Sandaime was one of the few people who actually cared enough about Naruto to try and give the child a future but Naruto knew he really didn't have a future if anything happened to the Sandaime. He knew the council would shut him out in a heartbeat if the Sandaime didn't stop them.

So for the Old Man he went to the academy and studied hard. He didn't learn a lot but then the instructors weren't all that keen on teaching him anything useful. All they wanted him to learn was how worthless they thought he was. So instead of the normal tests he was given ones for older kids on things not covered in class. Instead of correct symbols for jutsu's he was given incorrect ones or given them in the wrong order. Instead of proper stances for taijutsu he was taught to stand in positions that would have him over balancing and falling on his face at the drop of a hat. He was never taught anything the proper way as if the instructors knew all too well he was capable of learning all they had to teach if he was properly taught.

Several times he almost gave up but then he'd remember the girl and how she had told him to never let them win. "You are stronger than they are. Never ever forget that. One day you will be the one they look to for protection but only if you don't let them win now." Each time his heart was heavy he'd go outside of the village to a hidden clearing and remind himself of her. He'd fill his mind with her words and then by the time he went back he'd be safe behind his mask again for another few weeks.

Of course the beatings didn't stop. Just those who were giving them changed and the ferocity of the attacks. Sometimes his wounds would heal overnight but sometimes they didn't. He got good at lying to people about his injuries. He never admitted to the beatings to anyone but those who were capable of seeing the underneath of the underneath knew anyway. A child just didn't do that kind of damage to themselves training by running around the village.

His classmates were all stupid in his mind because not a single one of them was able to see his lies for what they were. Every one of them believed him to be stupid and untalented. In short they believed he was the idiot he pretended to be.

But Naruto had a plan. He was planning on leaving this place as soon as he could. Somewhere out there was a place where he would be able to be himself. A place where he would belong. He saw the place sometimes in his dreams. A place full of kids like himself. Kids with seals and doors in their minds, blocking out the pain and tears.

He never cared to try and pass the exam they held every six months. At first he wasn't even pressured to take the exam. The instructors had no interest in having him take it because he might actually manage to pass it by some fluke and that would be bad. But then after a couple of years the Old Man began to ask when he would take it. So the instructors were forced to let him try. The first two times he didn't even show up. He spent the day sleeping through the test. But then the Old Man had decided to play dirty. He'd called Naruto to his office and told him he was going to take the exam the next time it was offered or there would be a cut in his lifestyle.

So reluctantly he showed up for the next exam. He took it and deliberately failed much to the amusement of his classmates who hadn't expected anything else from him anyway. Iruka-sensei had given him a perplexed look but said nothing as Naruto walked back to his seat at the back of the room. There was no cut in his lifestyle so Naruto didn't care what anyone said to him about the exam. He blocked out everything he didn't want to hear and went on with his daily life as if the test had never happened.

Then it happened. His perfect little plan got shot to the demon realm all because he saw something he wasn't supposed to see. A fight between two of his teachers. Iruka-Sensei was fighting Mizuki-sensei over some scroll or the other. Naruto didn't really give a flying flip what they were fighting over but it was clear to him that Mizuki-Sensei was the better fighter and would win between the two of them because he didn't care if Iruka-Sensei died or not. In fact he preferred that he did.

Now Naruto didn't like Mizuki-Sensei. The man was oily and wore two faces with total ease. He would pretend to be nice and caring whenever he thought someone was looking but then when he thought himself unobserved the mask dropped away to show a cold calculating personality behind the friendly persona. And that person hated everyone but noone more than he hated himself. Naruto kicked the crap out of him, taking all his recent frustration out on the hapless teacher. By the time he was done there wasn't any doubt in anyone's mind it would be along time before Mizuki-Sensei tried to betray the Leaf. The unexpected part had come when Iruka-Sensei had decided to repay Naruto by giving him the headband that signified his passage into the ranks of ninja.

Sighing dejectedly behind his mask Naruto pretended extreme happiness as he and Iruka-Sensei went to dinner at Ichiraku Ramen Stand. Because of his mask persona, Naruto had to pretend such happiness that taking the band off would have been suspicious. Yet he knew that to appear anywhere in the village wearing the headband marked him, just as surely as any recognition from his Hokage would, as a ninja of the Leaf. Once seen in the headband, if he left the village without permission, he could and, because of his tenant, would be marked as a missing-nin with a bounty put on his head for his successful recovery and return dead or alive. Preferably dead, he knew, if the council had their way about it.

After dinner he went back to his apartment and for the first time in seven years he cried. All his plans foiled because of one man. He fell into an exhausted sleep and prayed for something to happen that would allow him to continue on with his plan for himself.

While he slept, a meeting was being held between Sarutobi and Iruka. They discussed what had happened and which team to put the newest recruit onto. It was decided he would have to be placed with the Uchiha and the Haruno girl under the Copy-cat ninja but they would watch to make sure that he was not ignored or overlooked by his new sensei.

Team seven went just as Naruto expected. He was ignored by his Sensei and treated like crap by his teammates. Normal for one Uzumaki Naruto. He did his best to sabotage the survival exam but Kakashi must have had orders to pass them because for no apparent reason they did. Naruto knew the objective of the test was for them to work as a team but he deliberately ignored the other two members of his group and just sat off to the side during the whole damn thing. He didn't even try to fight his sensei for one of the bells. He didn't want the blasted thing. Needless to say he was tied to the pole while the other two ate lunch and, of course, when their Sensei said not to feed him, his idiot teammates didn't. Naruto didn't care. He just performed a jutsu he'd learned along time back to undo his ropes and vanished back to his apartment, where he made himself something he preferred to eat. Ramen.

An hour later there was a knock on his door. This was unusual since the only time anyone ever came to his apartment they just busted the door in and waltzed in as if they owned the place. He froze as the knock sounded again. His teapot whistled and he quickly removed it from the burner and filled the ramen cup with hot water. He covered it over and waited for the noodles to soften so he could eat. Once more the knock sounded through the empty expanse of his home.

"Come on Naruto. I know you're in there. You might as well open up so we can discuss this," said the Hokage.

"Ah man," whispered Naruto moving towards the door. He opened it and stepped aside to let the Old Man in.

"What happened to the couch I got for you?" He asked after a quick look in the living quarters of the small space.

"The villagers," Naruto said with a shrug. "You know they don't like it when I have more than I need to live. A couch counts I guess."

"Well, why didn't you say something? I'd have replaced it." The Old Man took a seat at the table in the one chair that was still halfway stable.

"What would be the point? I can always sit here at the table or on my bed. It'd just be a waste of money to keep replacing the furniture all the time."

Sarutobi sighed. He knew the child was right but times like this he really didn't much care for the village he presided over and did his best to protect. "Naruto, I met with your new Sensei today. He said you didn't even try to pass his exam. Care to explain why not?"

"No point. Those two wouldn't have worked with me if they were stuck in quicksand and I was the only one available to get them out." Naruto shrugged again as he checked his ramen. It was ready so he took his chopsticks and offered the cup to the old man who shook his head.

"No thank you. I want you to try Naruto. You've never let them see what you can do and yes I do know what you are capable of. You are a good kid and probably the most important person on that team. You just need to let them see that. They will accept you if you let them, you know."

"Old Man, I love you but don't ask this of me. You know they won't accept me. The Uchiha cares for nothing but his revenge and the Haruno has been told all her life how bad I am. Her mother thinks I'm evil reborn in human flesh and has told her that often enough. As for that Sensei, being a sensei is the last thing he wants to do. There is no point in this team and if I can see that then I know you can also."

Sarutobi looked down at the scarred table. There were new marks in it that hadn't been here the last time he was by. Scorch marks showed where someone had attempted to burn it and fresher coloring showed in the gouges where someone had tried to carve it up. He pondered what he could offer the boy to get him to try to work with his team but from the lack of couch and the condition of the table he knew there really wasn't anything he'd be allowed to keep. Anything he offered to placate the boy the villagers would simply destroy as soon as his back was turned.

"What do you want Naruto? What are your goals?" he finally asked.

"You mean, what do you want to hear or what do I really want?"

"What do you really want?" Sarutobi raised his eyes to the child's face.

"I want out of here. I am sick of being blamed for events I had no control over and had even less choice in than they did. I'm tired of feeling bound to a place that only wants my death to assuage their own guilt. I couldn't fight what happened to me but they could have. They could have and chose not to and now they blame me. I want out."

Sarutobi felt the tears his eyes. He knew the child had reason to feel the way he did and he knew full well that without a Sensei the boy would never be allowed to leave the village. The council was too afraid he'd turn on them and destroy them all. Now he saw they might have reason for that fear and that he himself had blocked the child from escaping the only way he might have stood a chance.

"And go where Naruto? Where could you go and be safe?" he asked. "You're too young and with your tenant there are a lot of people out there that would love to get their hands on you."

"There is a place I see in my dreams made just for people like me. People who have no place here in the villages. We are too big of a threat to man as we are but we didn't ask to carry this curse. Have that stupid Sensei who doesn't want to be my sensei accompany me and I will leave forever. Me and my demon will never return here. We'll have no reason to. Old Man, one way or another I will go there. The only question is whether I will run away to get there or whether you will allow me to go knowing where I go."

"Do you know where it is? This place you want to go."

"Of course. I've known for years."

"Then why are you still here?" Sarutobi knew of the place Naruto was speaking of. He'd heard other children speak of the land and knew that once a child entered there they would never be heard from again in the world of mortal man. He also knew the place was only accessible to those who's lives were horrible beyond compare. The worse a child's life the earlier they would see the city. It took a strong child to resist the call once the city chose them and he knew the city did indeed choose it's children.

"You Old Man. You believed if I just stayed here and did as I was expected to that I would win over these people but in the last seven years I've only won over one person. Iruka-Sensei learned to look beneath the smile but even so he sees only what he wants to see and that's someone like him as he was when he was younger. He doesn't see the crap, Old Man. He just see the lonely little boy that used to stare out of his own mirror. We both know that's not good enough. I want to go before you die. I love you but if I am here when you die who will look out for me then? The council will have their way and I will die. That wouldn't bother me if we knew for sure it wouldn't release my tenant on the village. But because we don't fully understand the seal that binds him we know no such thing. Let me go, Old Man."

Sarutobi nodded but he was only thinking. He knew Naruto was an asset to Konoha but he also knew the boy had no love for the village as a whole and more than enough reason to fear should something happen to himself. Naruto was right about what would happen if the council got control even for a day. And he was correct about the seal. But still. If he gave permission for Naruto to go then he'd never see him again. With tears streaming, he finally nodded in agreement. "Give me a couple of days to arrange the trip for you. I have to find the right person to go with you and then you can go. I do love you Naruto-kun but you are right. There will never be a life worth living for you here and I was wrong to try and hold you here against your will all these years."

"No, Jijii. You cared for me and figured if you could see the real me sooner or later those who you care for would also. It isn't your fault they can't or won't."

Sarutobi left the apartment and walked slowly back to his tower office. He kept his head down so his large hat would cover his face and hide the evidence of his tears. He didn't want to think about what the villagers would do to Naruto if they thought he had hurt him to cause the tears.

When he arrived at his office he found Kakashi waiting for him. "Well, did you talk to the brat and make him understand why he has to work with the other two? Will he co-operate?"

"Yes I talked to him and no he won't. He knew full well the objective of your test and he deliberately chose not to put himself in that position. He knew the other two would not work with him no matter what he said and that there was no way he could beat you alone. So he just chose not to bother."

"Well then, what am I supposed to do? I can't lead a dysfunctional team."

"You'll do exactly what you had planned to do in the first place. Come on Kakashi. Don't try and tell me you ever meant to teach any of those kids anything in the first place. The only one of them you might have taught something to would be the Uchiha and that's only if you couldn't find a way out of it."

"Not true. You made me pass them so I would teach all of them what I can."

"You've always been good at that Kakashi."

Kakashi blinked. He had no idea what the old Hokage was talking about. "Huh?"

"Lying to yourself. You've always been good at that. But no worries. Naruto doesn't expect you to train him. He doesn't even want you to. In a few days I will arrange for him to go on a mission and you won't have to worry about him anymore. Now go away. I have work to do."

In shock Kakashi vanished in a swirl of leaves. He had no idea what Sarutobi was so angry about but somehow he knew it had to do with his unwanted student. He almost decided to pay the brat a visit but then his books were calling and he really wanted to just go read so he didn't.

Two days later Naruto left the village in the early pre-dawn hours with Gai-Sensei. It was just the two of them and Gai knew he was never to ever speak of the trip to anyone. It would take a week to get Naruto to where he needed to be and then a week for Gai to return to Konoha. During their travel time Gai taught Naruto how to travel through the trees and a little bit of how to control his chakra when they would stop and make camp. He also instructed the boy in a proper taijutsu stance and set a routine for exercising that would help the boy grow stronger.

Gai was one of the few people from Konoha that actually knew the boy and the demon were not one and the same. He knew they were not interchangeable; that Naruto was simply a human jail cell for the demon and that because of that the boy had a harder life than normal. He could see by looking at Naruto, when Naruto was unaware of it, just how tired the child really was and how close he was to breaking. He knew the Hokage had made the right decision to let the boy go. The city he was taking him to would take care of him and provide him the rest his soul and spirit needed until such a time as the demon was no longer a threat to mankind. Once that was true they would make it possible for the boy to go on. Gai knew in a few years Naruto would die but he didn't know if Naruto knew it or not. No one who ever went to the city actually lived for very long. At least that was the thought in his mind. He decided to broach the subject on their last day of travel when they stopped for lunch.

"Naruto, what do you know of the Unwanted City?" he asked as he turned the fish on the small collapsible grill over the flames.

"I know it is a place full of people like me. I know there I will no longer be overcharged for high quality goods while receiving inferior merchandise. My food at restaurants will not be poisoned in an effort to see me suffer or pulled from a trash bin. That is if I am allowed to even eat at said restaurant in the first place. I know in the Unwanted City I will be just the same as everyone else. No different. My skills and talents will be what set me apart. Not an event that happened on the day I was born and had no say in. But mostly I know no one will try to stab a kunai in my back as I walk past them. The constant threat of death will end."

"Do you know that as soon as your tenant is no threat to mankind you will die?"

"Yes. I've seen others going to their death in my dreams but I am not afraid of death, Gai-Sensei. I've faced it too many times to be afraid of it anymore. Life always ends in death no matter what you do. I would have allowed the villagers to succeed a long time back if doing so hadn't meant the release of the Kyuubi on them all. Not that they don't deserve it but if I had knowingly allowed him to escape than how could I say I am any better than they are? But in the city I will have a chance to see some good that living should provide for us all. Kyuubi and I both talked about this."

"What do you mean? You can talk to Kyuubi? How long have you been able to talk to him?"

"I've talked to him most of my life. Since the first time the villagers tried to kill me after the Orphans Home kicked me to the curb and he had to heal me. I think I was four then." He paused to cast back in his memories to see if he remembered how old he was at that time. "We decided together this was the best thing to do for both of us. He has no life right now either. And his options were even more limited than mine. He is stuck in a small cage looking at years of being there with absolutely nothing to do. He can't even make improvements to his cell unless I allow it. Imagine yourself locked in a cell you knew damn good and well you would never leave without even having the room to exercise. There is no one around to even give you a taste of life or conversation or anything. You can't see the sky or the ground, trees or any kind of plants. You go from being the ruler of your people surrounded always by your own kind to a jail cell locked away from it all. At first he found it nice to be away from the stress of ruling but then when he figured out how the villagers felt towards me he grew angry and wanted to do something about it. But there was nothing he could do. They hate me as well as him."

"No, that's not true Naruto-kun. They hate him. That's true but they don't hate you also. They just don't understand that you are still just as human as they are." Gai very much wanted to believe that.

"No Gai they do hate me. They hate me for looking like my father and reminding them of his sacrifice for them. They hate me for surviving when he didn't. They hate me for being on the battlefield while they were cowering under their beds and in shelters instead of fighting the Demon they were afraid of. They know full well I am not Kyuubi because if they didn't then they wouldn't recognize when he takes control so well. But they do recognize it. Therefore they do know the difference. Since I am going to be free by the days end I will not allow you to continue trying to convince me of a lie that makes you feel better."

The two finished their lunch and moved on to the waypoint. When they arrived on the coast they found Naruto was expected. A small sailing ship was waiting to take him away. Gai gave him a warm hug and told him he'd miss him. For once he wasn't shouting about youth and the joy of the springtime of life. He just didn't have it in him to taunt the boy with things he'd never really ever had a chance of having. After he finished saying good-bye, he stepped back as Naruto climbed aboard the vessel. As soon as his feet touched the deck the ship sailed off. Gai stood on the beach and watched until it was just a speck on the horizon. Then he turned to head back to Konoha. The Hokage was waiting to know Naruto had made it safely to his destination.

**Author Notes: Ok I know it's kind of a weird little story and not really much like my others but it's been driving me crazy floating around in my head begging me to write it down. Hope you can all make sense of it cause I'm not actually sure it does make sense.**


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